It was Nancy's 19th birthday tonight. Met up with Metal Joe at Pag's and had some beers, then Brad came, and then I tried to climb up on the roof of our store. But my hands just got covered in pigeon shit and some sort of grease/mystery substance. Then we (all 6 of us) fit into Brad's little car and went to Nancy's in Fremont(I still have to finish/start her present) where we drank and told stories and had an amazing time up on her roof. Then we took Cameron to Gasworks for the first time ever (!!!) and I told him about how amazing it can be on a clear night when you're in a deep conversation with someone new and can see each individual light (but they're all star-shaped) in downtown and imagine that each light is someone staying too late at the office to go home to a lonely apartment or a family that is waiting, and you have a very special moment with whoever you are with until a boat goes by and shines a light at you and yells drunkenly into the microphone, asking if anyone is participating in illegal activities before it sails away, thus ruining the moment. That is amazing. But since it was raining and cold as shit, there were no boats on the water and no one else in the park, and for a couple of moments...yes, I did feel infinite. But that is what life is about isn't it? The rain, the shivering, the silly conversation and the horsing around? Some of your favorite people in a group sharing a moment that makes you want to cry at the thought of it because it reminds you of time past? The time when everything seemed all right and you never had any trouble sleeping? The time before you and the boy who sat in front of you in every class had that amazing falling out where you felt like quitting things right then? Before the time where you and he exchanged slight smiles and incredibly awkward snippits of conversation? The time before you talked again for the first time after that and you made yourself out to be a total bitch [apparently] and made yourself feel like one too? These are the times I speak about tonight. The times where you love everyone and they love you too.

Sometimes I love life and am refreshed by living it spur of the moment. And sometimes I just....want the closing credits. But for tonight I will go with the love. I have a "date" tomorrow. I hate myself because of it.